Marriage is not just for one special day, your wedding day. It is for a lifetime. As Dr Joe Dispenza said, “In a marriage work on yourself instead of turning the relationship into work.” Why is it that so much planning and preparation go into one special day, with limited thought and preparation for making the rest of your lives together literally the happiest time of your life?
Marriage, just like life has rocky sections that require navigation, resilience, understanding, openness, your true self and unconditional love. In preparation for a life together what about starting with the end in mind – two beautiful people growing old gracefully with each other in perfect health, true happiness and love for one another? From that point working backwards to include planning and preparation not only for your wedding day, but for your life together.
How can you achieve that vision of growing old together and still being as healthy as you were on your marriage day? What does that take? Some might say, “that's not realistic”, others might say “it’s too far ahead to plan” and someone else might brush the idea aside with the comment “we will cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Getting married simply because you love someone, is a good reason, but as you both grow, develop and change, will that love stand the test of time? Personal happiness, inner confidence and humility begin with yourself. When you love yourself, you are not reliant on others for love and more importantly as and when needed your tank is full and can show up for them and any difficult times ahead.
Include into the myriad of things to do for the perfect wedding day, all the things that you are going to do to set the path going forward for a loving, supportive, fun and healthy life together that builds your common purpose and achieves your relationship goal. Taking steps towards your common goal while planning all wedding arrangements, could be the best thing you ever do as a couple.
Following are some tips to giving yourselves the greatest gift on your wedding day:
“Look for the Answer Inside Yourself” (Rumi)
In my numerous years I have heard friends and family say “We had to work at our marriage.” No doubt this is true because over the years you have no idea what life is going to throw at you and how your love for the other person is going to be tested and challenged as you build a family and life together. Taking the same idea, but turning it back on yourself as you do when pointing a finger – one finger forward and three back, what if you worked on yourself rather than making the relationship into work? In this way you look inward for what needs changing rather than looking outward to blame someone else which in this case is most likely going to be your spouse.
Accept Challenges and Mistakes
No one’s life is without challenge at some point, and no one is perfect we all make mistakes. If we are honest the latter occurs because our heart was not in what we were doing, we were tired or just overwhelmed. Dealing with your mistakes and those of your partner with empathy and compassion whether of yourself or your partner means there is no blame, and you can live your best, true self, acknowledge the mistake, learn from it and move on.
Honour Your Physical, Mental and Spiritual Self in the Best Possible Way
At this point, the film “Eat, Pray, Love” with Julia Roberts comes to mind. Share fresh, wholesome meals every day. Meals that you cook together from a wide variety of fresh ingredients. Experiment with new ideas and recipes to create interest. Enjoy eating together, be mindful of what you are eating, free of electronic devices and distractions such as TV, and give thanks for the food on your plate and the nourishment it provides.
Daily Exercise
Enjoy quality time together through joint exercise such as walking, cycling, jogging, dancing. Not only is this good for your physical and mental self, it also creates some time together while sharing a common interest. Think about activities that build flexibility and balance such as Yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi and so on. Keep in mind that as our body’s age, if not stretching regularly, flexibility tends to decrease. Starting when you are young, will ensure flexibility when you are in your mature years.
Me Time
Don't let the marriage become all-consuming to the point you forget yourself, losing personal identity. Keep your individuality – remember this is the reason your partner married you and pursue your personal interests as well as investing in time with your partner. “Me” time helps with self-balance and inner confidence, but it can be fun and interesting, bringing new information, knowledge and skill into the relationship on a regular basis.
Practice the 20 Minute Rule
Every day, once a day sit or lie together in each other’s arms and remember why you married this person and be grateful for their gift. Keep this time sacred, be totally present to honour your partner as well as yourself for who you both are. The day you find it difficult to do this, make excuses to avoid it or delay doing it, is the day you know you are no longer comfortable in this relationship. Talk openly about what you are avoiding and find the path together.
As Rumi once said, “Shine like the universe is yours.” Share in nature, meditate and laugh together into old age.
Interested in preparing for your marriage of life? Book a call on 07880 634 819 to discuss how to:
- Build a joint purpose for your marriage.
- Build your health
- Create a healthy lifestyle together
Add new comment