
Recently I was listening to the Chris Evans Breakfast show and the conversation was around love. Evans said words to the effect that love is unlike your bank account, when the money is gone its gone. Perhaps inflows credit your account, but it may not be in balance with the outflows. Love is not like this, every day we have a full account to use and give out to others, when all is used up, your account will once again be full the next day to give away freely as you want. How beautiful is that? What would the impact be to our local communities and wider if we all gave out a full bank account of unconditional love and kindness every day?
Love is the opposite of hate. We sometimes band the word “hate” around, but in honesty how many people do we really hate? Probably, if any a very few. Emotions which ever one we refer to has a frequency and that frequency will either raise up your spirits and the spirits of those around you or will do the opposite. Ever spent time with someone whose glass is always half empty? You probably find that irrelevant of what you try to do or to convince the person otherwise, nothing changes except for the fact that you feel completely drained of energy! This person is an energy vampire – their frequency is resonating on a low level creating a mismatch between you and that person.
What emotions raise our frequency, making us positive, constructive and fun to be around? Love, kindness, happiness, compassion, empathy, empowerment and joy. The closer we are to joy the closer we are to manifesting what we want.
Kindness or to be kind is a part of human nature. To love and be loved is also an essential aspect of being human. Neglecting a baby of love will seriously impact their wellbeing physically and emotionally. Similarly for adults, a lack of love shown through kindness, compassion, empathy and caring will detrimentally impact wellbeing on all levels.
Are we born mean and unkind? I remember reading “We need to talk about Kevin” by Lionel Shriver at least 10 years ago. This book still haunts me with this question despite examining it to the full. My personal belief is that we are not born mean, unkind or evil, our upbringing and society influences our behaviour and we become mean and unkind as a consequence of this and perhaps even as a protection mechanism. Evil, perhaps being the odd one out from the group, is more about mental and emotional programming whether we know about it or not through psychological and physical trauma. Lack of love may lead a young person to get involved in the “wrong” group of people who replace that love by providing what they might consider as companionship and recognition they so much crave, replacing what the group energy gives with the lack of love from their family. Such individuals are vulnerable to this type of programming as they are driven by the low frequency emotions and feelings of anger, rage, fear, insecurity, unworthiness and/or guilt. A form of grooming that uses human vulnerabilities to achieve a particular outcome that is usually not beneficial for those who are being abused in this manner. Ultimately the emotions we feel become the energy we emit.
What is Kindness?
Kindness is the quality of being friendly, selfless, generous, caring and considerate of others with no expectation of something in return. It can be shown through serving others in some way, donations given to a “good” cause, something that the giver believes in, but it can also be through a smile, helping someone with their shopping, holding the door open, calling a neighbour to see how they are and so on. Every small act of kindness ripples outwards into the world and in the process tends to foster a wave of people being kind to each other, ever-growing that wave through kind actions that become infectious to those around.
Kindness is partly about education by our parents and other influential people in our early years, who through their actions show toddlers, children and adolescents how to be kind through their own loving actions, and the manner in which they correct the infant should they behave in a mean or unkind way. That education is further deepened in places such as schools, shops and on public transport when generally out and about.
What happens if the child misses out on this education? This then makes the learning more difficult, simply because it is easier to teach someone when young than when already a teenager with a group of friends who similarly missed out on their education of how to be kind, respectful and loving.
How does Kindness link to Wellbeing?
Small acts of kindness according to Ohio University may reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression in those who suffer from this type of mental illness. The authors from the research department of Ohio University explained “that simple acts of kindness on a regular basis deepened social connection and related dimensions of wellbeing more so than therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy techniques.” Giving kindness to others helped individuals with anxiety and depression divert their attention from themselves, taking their mind off their own symptoms. Whilst difficult to measure it is thought that being the recipient of kindness can have a greater impact on those receiving than we might think.
Being kind to others can go a long way to improving emotional wellbeing. A study in the Journal of Social Psychology (2019) found that people who performed acts of kindness for seven days boosted their happiness, and the amount of happiness experienced was directly linked to the number of acts of kindness performed.
There are several reasons why being kind benefits mental health, including social and biological effects. Firstly, the act of kindness increases the neurotransmitters, serotonin and dopamine in the brain that are responsible for feelings of satisfaction and overall wellbeing. The same act of kindness can also boost oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel connected to others and that we can trust each other. The three chemicals showed in this research have a profound impact on mood and overall happiness.
Being kind will also reduce levels of stress and the stress hormone, cortisol. A study in the journal Integrative Psychological and Behavioural Science found that “people who practiced a kindness mindset had 23% lower cortisol levels than the average person.” High levels of cortisol circulating in the body, causes inflammation and an increase in the risk of weight gain and heart disease. Moreover, doing something that is pleasing for others helps strengthen social ties and the sense that each one of us is part of a community. However, these actions need to come from the heart and not simply be another action to fulfil from our to-do list.
It would appear that our parliament and House of Commons have forgotten the importance of showing kindness when talking to their counterpart. Over the recent years the process of so-called open debate has and continues to disintegrate into a slanging match of who can shout the loudest. I wait for the day when once again our M.P’s remember that they are in these positions to serve the British population despite their differences of opinion, approach or policy. Respect and kindness to one another is fundamental to leading effectively by addressing issues, listening to concerns and needs of the British people and implementing necessary policies. At the end of the day, they are all in leadership positions. Rule number one of leadership – be the example that you want to see, in other words lead by example.
Having gone through Covid and the impact of isolation on mental and physical health bringing communities together through acts of kindness is crucial to re-building a society that cares about each other, fosters community and encourages kindness and caring for one another within that community. The good thing is it is not difficult for each one of us to show kindness every day through simple random acts which benefits not only the receiver, but also the person giving kindness.
December and the festive season is the time of giving. Let’s all make a conscious decision and effort to show a simple act of kindness every day and not just during the festive season. In so doing the wave of kindness will strengthen our society, communities and ourselves, returning to the type of society that we all want to live in. The bonus – our love and kindness account will be full every day to give more love and kindness away energising not only ourselves but those that we interact with.
“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly and most underrated agent of human change.” - Bob Kerrey
References:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103117303451
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